___
          _.-'   \
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       /            `.___
      ( .--.)\/(,.--.    `-.
      ,',-. \   / ,-.`.     )
     ( /   \     /   \ )   / \
      || .-|     |-. ||---'|  \
     _|| | |     | | ||_   |   \
    /. \ |_|.---.|_| / ,\  | .^.\
    `.\ `--"     "--' /,'  |/
      `>  _________  <'
    ,-' ,---.---.---. `-.
    `--'\    \j/    /`--'
       `.\         /,'
         \\_______//
          `-------'

Fortune's diet truths:
1:  Forget what the cookbooks say, plain yogurt tastes nothing like sour cream.
2:  Any recipe calling for soybeans tastes like mud.
3:  Carob is not an acceptable substitute for chocolate.  In fact, carob is not
    an acceptable substitute for anything, except, perhaps, brown shoe polish.
4:  There is no such thing as a "fun salad."  So let's stop pretending and see
    salads for what they are:  God's punishment for being fat.
5:  Fruit salad without maraschino cherries and marshmallows is about as
    appealing as tepid beer.
6:  A world lacking gravy is a tragic place!
7:  You should immediately pass up any recipes entitled "luscious and
    low-cal."  Also skip dishes featuring "lively liver."  They aren't and
    it isn't.
8:  Wearing a blindfold often makes many diet foods more palatable.
9:  Fresh fruit is not dessert.  CAKE is dessert!
10: Okra tastes slightly worse than its name implies.
11: A plain baked potato isn't worth the effort involved in chewing and
    swallowing.